Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave - Page 9

dogscoff · #81 April 29th, 2003, 05:42 PM

Captain 'Tig, I have an idea for this Bar Trek thing: We divide the thread into episodes.

Each episode will Last for 100 Posts, and will have a name based on a crude mangling of a genuine Star Trek episode. In that time we have to have an adventure with some kind of plot to it. Along the way we'll kill a few red-shirts and generally do what we do best, but try to arrive at some kind of credible conclusion at the end of the 100 Posts.

Extra points if the story we come up with bears any resemblance at all to the real star trek (or bab5 or whatever) episode it is crudely named after.

If the Captain is in agreement we will continue recruiting until post number 100 in this thread, and then we can get on with (dramatic pause)

Bar Trek: The Pissed Generation
Episode 1: Encounter at Fart Point.

If all goes well then in a few thousand Posts we can all redesign our uniforms and make a hugely expensive and disappointing blockbuster film Version which completely screws up any semblance of continuity we used to posess

Erax · #82 April 29th, 2003, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by growltigger:
OK, you have got the job....

Wooohooo !! (tries to do a little dance, then remembers that Engineers Can't Dance). Chief Engineer Erax reporting for duty, Cap'n ! I'll be down in Engineering if ye need me.

Erax exits via the turbolift. A few minutes later his voice is heard on the intercom over the bar.

"Things are quiet down here. Taznan, send me a beer and a haggis sandwich".

Katchoo · #83 April 29th, 2003, 06:17 PM

Mr S'Katchoo enters the bridge wearing a crushed blue velvet tunic, black vinyl pants, and a pair of flip flops he purchased from a vendor on Deck 13. Overall the ensemble shows off his muscled physique quite smashingly.

The Vulcan (TM) Science Officer overlooks the Bridge with one eyebrow permenantly taped high on his forehead.

"Science Officer S'Katchoo reporting for duty, Captain."

Power Man · #84 April 29th, 2003, 06:19 PM

The screen is dark. The music starts out low. A dramatic Voice is heard.

Forums, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Star Ship Phong's Head.
Its mission, To seek out, and "Boff" the cutest babes in the universe.
To see and taste what is "Brewing out there ", while not crashing into too many things.
To Boldly "go" were no one (primitive) has "Gone" before. (But watch out for the Tigger Lilies)

The music Swells DO WEE DA DA OOK OOK OOK�..
The Mighty Phong's Head Swooshes past the camera. (Just missing it by the way)

And now a word from Our Sponsor ��.

AH Shucks, all of the good parts have already been taken. I do not want to just a poor Red Shirt.

I want to be The Weapon's Officer. I can deal out the "PUNishment" to our foe's.
And besides "some people" around here think I may be too violent.

Growltigger · #85 April 29th, 2003, 06:25 PM

Power Man, you can be weapons officer if you want (but I get to fire the photon torpedoes). Barry is the security officer and lives in cargo deck 4 (he is too big to fit on the bridge).....

Right, we need helmsmen, a communications officer (what did chekov used to do), a teleportation officer and a counsellor, oh and we need some boring straight laced nerd to be data (anyone seen Ragnarok?)

Erax · #86 April 29th, 2003, 06:36 PM

On the Old Series, Chekhov was the navigator, Sulu was the Helmsman. LaSalle (also known as The Crewman No One Remembers) was the navigator before Chekhov. Kyle was Transporter Chief. There was no weapons officer, Sulu controlled helm and weapons (he had the best job on the bridge, other than Captain).

Growltigger · #87 April 29th, 2003, 06:42 PM

OK, Power Man is weapons officer, which leaves us needing a navigator, a helmsman, a communications officer, a counsellor (who is going to wear a wig and the fake comedy breasts, and look strained every episode?), a transporter operator and an android.

Post 100 is fast approaching. Volunteers please.

PS hey do we also need a chef? I need to order the kitchen to prepare curry, chilli and sauerkraut and lots of fizzy beer in anticipation of our first mission

[ April 29, 2003, 18:00: Message edited by: growltigger ]

Erax · #88 April 29th, 2003, 06:49 PM

Hmmm... how about announcing "Anyone who comes in here without a proper job as an officer automatically becomes a red-shirt ensign" ?

That should get 'em to line up plenty fast.

Edit : take a look at this Trek link :

Trek Wars

[ April 29, 2003, 18:02: Message edited by: Erax ]

geoschmo · #89 April 29th, 2003, 06:54 PM

Damnit Tig I'm a doctor, not a casting director.

Btw, all FBW's must report to sick bay prior to departure for their physical examinations. Regulation's you know.

[ April 29, 2003, 17:57: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

Growltigger · #90 April 29th, 2003, 07:05 PM

Dammit Geo, your a doctor, not a middle aged sex crazed pervert who likes to fondle the FBWs for fun!

Sheesh, hypocractic oath or what.....

OK, we are fast approaching post 100. Mr Erax, please ensure the warp engines are brought on-line. Mr Power Man, please check that our phaser banks are fully charged, and that we have a full compliment of photon torpedoes on board. Number 1, please can you go down to the sick bay and slap the good doctor round the chops till he comes to his senses. Mr S'katchoo, please will you stop mincing around and in the absence of a navigator, plot our course to Fart Point

Gentlemen, make it so

[ April 29, 2003, 18:05: Message edited by: growltigger ]