Jokes and Riddles Centre

[narf poit chez BOOM]

900th!

[Randallw]

I read "Get Fuzzy" every day and they've had a few really good jokes lately. They seem to make fun of Liberals, but hey I think of myself as a liberal and I like them. Incidentaly, the one telling the jokes is a cat who votes Republican and Rob Wilco wants to vote for Nader.

(about a big dog)
"Your'e lucky he's not here"
"Homey, he runs faster than a prune taster with a stomach virus"
"lovely"

"Rob Wilco is so liberal..."
"How liberal is he?"
"If he was a tube of sunblock, his instructions would be apply like me"

The following are a bit foreign to me but americans might understand them.
"Comrade. You're so liberal, on career day they put your desk to the left of P.E.T.A's" (not sure of this one)

"Wilco (to Rob Wilco), you're so far left the Last time you played right field you tripped over third base"

"When Castro doesn't finish his meal, he has ROBovers the next day"

[Wardad]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met but, somehow, now it's my fault."

[Wardad]

Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "Hey, Ole! You yust had a son! Ain't dat great? "

Vell, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and he said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, "Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter! She's a pretty little ting, too...."

Ole got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Holey Moley, Ole, we still ain't done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had youself another boy!" Ole was flabbergasted by this news!

A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, "How come we got tree on the first try?"

Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?" Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda!, it's a damn good ting I didn't get the WD-40!"

[Wardad]

One Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area.

He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible."

To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid *** husband is out hunting in that [censored]?"

[Starhawk]

lol okay the second one was pretty lame to be honest but the third one was a goodie

[narf poit chez BOOM]

We havn't had any riddles in a long time.

[Fyron]

Indeed. Here is a hilarious, yet semi-offensive, image to tide you over:

*Possibly offensive link, you have been warned.*

[Raging Deadstar]

Imperator Fyron said:
Indeed. Here is a hilarious, yet semi-offensive, image to tide you over:

*Possibly offensive link, you have been warned.*

Meouch lol...

In some people's eyes (e.g. not mine) the guy who made that is going to a "special hell"

Reserved for Child Molesters and People who talk in theatre

[Gandalf Parker]

Imperator Fyron said:
Indeed. Here is a hilarious, yet semi-offensive, image to tide you over:

*Possibly offensive link, you have been warned.*

Thats one of my favorite sites. Its Tshirts for people who are brave enough to troll in public. Like the one that says (cut)

They are continually in lawsuits. Presently 2 for (cut)

I turned in a bunch of suggestions for their "if we use it you win $200" contest but they havent used any yet. Such as (cut)