The Funniest Canadian Joke. - Page 4

tbontob · #31 January 24th, 2003, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Imperator Fyron:
I'll duddy all the fuds I want to.

LOLROF

Yes, I guess you will.

tbontob · #32 January 24th, 2003, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Imperator Fyron:
I'll duddy all the fuds I want to.

I would just recommend you not say that too openly.

Fyron · #33 January 24th, 2003, 06:00 AM

Am I missing something here? I assumed those were made-up nonsense words. They may be real words, but would still be nonsense (like fair progressive tax).

tbontob · #34 January 24th, 2003, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Imperator Fyron:
Am I missing something here? I assumed those were made-up nonsense words. They may be real words, but would still be nonsense (like fair progressive tax).

No they were not.

Ragnarok · #35 January 24th, 2003, 06:07 AM

LOL! This has been one great thread let me tell you.

I got to post a joke now to see if I can make Fyron laugh. He probably is dying over these jokes but just isn't busting to make us look like fools. Right Fyron?

Here it goes.....This joke is a polock joke but no offense to any polish people out there today.

I was watching the news today and a news flash came across the screen and reported a bad air plane crash in poland early this morning. It was a little Sessna(sp?) 2 seater plane with a full crew complement of 2 people. Suddenly something went wrong and the plane crashed into a cemetary. They started questioning a polish police officer about the crash. Here is what was said: "How are things going in your search for the bodies of the pilot?" asked the news reporter.
"Not so good I'm afraid. So far we have found over 300 bodies and expect to find more as digging continues.

The end...
Sad thing was they never found the Pilot.

So Fyron, how'd it do?

DavidG · #36 January 24th, 2003, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ragnarok:
LOL! This has been one great thread let me tell you. I got to post a joke now to see if I can make Fyron laugh. He probably is dying over these jokes but just isn't busting to make us look like fools. Right Fyron?
Here it goes.....This joke is a polock joke but no offense to any polish people out there today.

I was watching the news today and a news flash came across the screen and reported a bad air plane crash in poland early this morning. It was a little Sessna(sp?) 2 seater plane with a full crew complement of 2 people. Suddenly something went wrong and the plane crashed into a cemetary. They started questioning a polish police officer about the crash. Here is what was said: "How are things going in your search for the bodies of the pilot?" asked the news reporter.
"Not so good I'm afraid. So far we have found over 300 bodies and expect to find more as digging continues.

The end...
Sad thing was they never found the Pilot.
So Fyron, how'd it do?

Well let's see 3 funny ones Fyron found not funny then a lame one he found a bit funny. Since this one is truly lame he'll probably find it really funny.

Ragnarok · #37 January 24th, 2003, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Well let's see 3 funny ones Fyron found not funny then a lame one he found a bit funny. Since this one is truly lame he'll probably find it really funny.

I know it's lame that's why I posted it.

I figured same as you did, if what we find as truely lame he surely has to think it's funny.
But before I hit the sack for the night one Last joke, I just found it on the bob and tom website and thought it was an ok joke.

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their Last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your Last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Ok, so I am going to post two instead, so what...

Q - What did George Washington say to his men just before they got on the boat?
A - Men, get on the boat.

Ok, I'm done...

So they aren't the best jokes but I'm trying ot see what kind of humor gets Fyron to laugh.

tesco samoa · #38 January 24th, 2003, 07:03 AM

Old one and a good one... posted it a few years back on the G&G thread

The Queen and the Pope are on the same stage. Huge crowd. The Queen and His Holiness however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Her Majesty says to his Holiness, "Pope, did you know, that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in this crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him, and sure enough the little royal gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every pommie in the crowd. Gradually it subsides.

His Holiness, not wishing to be outdone by a woman, who incidentally is wearing a worse frock and hat than he is, thinks to himself, what am I to do. Then it dawns on him. "Your Majesty, that was impressive, but did you
know that with one nod of my head I can make every Australian in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but this joy will go deep to their hearts, and they will talk
of it and rejoice for months."

The Queen seriously doubts this .. "One little nod of your head, and all the Australians are joyous for a week? Show me."

So the Pope head butts her.

tesco samoa · #39 January 24th, 2003, 07:07 AM

California: By 30, Our Women Have More PLastic Than Your Honda

Greater Los Angeles Area Driver's License Application

Name: _______________ Stage name: ________________

Agent: ______________ Attorney: __________________

Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male
___formerly female ___both

If female, indicate breast implant size: ____

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: __________________
(If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please indicate activities you perform while driving:
Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety magazine
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times
a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____
b) How many times you expect to be shot at while driving: _____

Please indicate your number of therapy sessions per week: ____

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
If none, please explain: _______________________________

What is the length of your daily commute?
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more

TEST (Please indicate the correct answer):

If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your
car on TV in a high-speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss a lawsuit against the cellular
phone company for your 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) Stop your car
b) Keep driving and hope for the best
c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the event of rain, you should:
a) Never drive over 5 MPH
b) Drive twice as fast as usual
c) You're not sure what "rain" is

When stopped by police, you should:
a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405
c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack,
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit

Please turn your test in to the lady behind the bulletproof
virtual window on your left.

Kamog · #40 January 24th, 2003, 08:20 AM

An old joke that's been around for a while...

Quote:

McDonald's fast-food establishment actual job application
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM! Enjoy.

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA! But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising