The Funniest Canadian Joke. - Page 6

kalthalior · #51 January 24th, 2003, 07:50 PM

Couldn't resist adding these little gems.

WARNING: You are about to enter into the bad pun zone. Enter at your own risk!

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But
when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One
went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his
dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I
can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun
contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

David E. Gervais · #52 January 24th, 2003, 09:28 PM

Can You Get Married in Heaven?

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer....for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

jimbob · #53 January 24th, 2003, 09:34 PM

Evidently this one is pretty popular with the Brits:

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I have a strawberry suck up my bum!

Doctor: Oh, that's alright, I've got some cream for that.

Badum bum tcha!

Kaladaar · #54 January 24th, 2003, 10:10 PM

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies,"Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says," A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

Kaladaar · #55 January 24th, 2003, 11:58 PM

There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband to the store...because he spoke English.

Kaladaar · #56 January 25th, 2003, 12:02 AM

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk.

He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

"Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Why, yes, I am," said the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother beaming. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father proudly answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts ........ doesn't it!"

Wanderer · #57 January 25th, 2003, 12:27 AM

I like this one:

Three Irishmen and three Englishmen were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Englishmen each bought tickets and watched as the three Irishmen bought only a single ticket. How are three people going to travel on only one ticket asked an Englishman? Watch and you'll see, answered the Irishmen.

They all boarded the train. The Englishmen took their respective seats but all three Irishmen crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, Ticket, please. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Englishmen saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the Englishmen decided to copy the Irishmen (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Irishmen didn't buy a ticket at all. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one perplexed Englishman. Watch and you'll see, answered one of the Irishmen. When they boarded the train the three Englishmen crammed into a restroom and the three Irishmen crammed into another one nearby.

The train departed. Immediately afterward (before the conductor made his rounds), one of the Irishmen left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the Englishmen were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please..."

tbontob · #58 January 25th, 2003, 04:08 AM

These are really funny jokes.

What do you think Fyron?

Fyron?

Fyron?

Where are yooooouuuuuuuuu?????

Ragnarok · #59 January 25th, 2003, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by tbontob:
These are really funny jokes.

What do you think Fyron?

Fyron?

Fyron?

Where are yooooouuuuuuuuu?????

I've hardly seen him today. Very unusual!

tesco samoa · #60 January 25th, 2003, 07:05 AM

jimbob

it is most likely posted here

but again... a nice joke

A couple of Cali hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"