Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Erax]

Originally posted by growltigger:
No, no, no, no, Erax.

The chief engineer always has to say, "the engines have just about had it Capt'n, but I will get my trusty polaron spanner oot and get you a hundred per cent more power"

Not quite Cap'n, first I say "The engine's aboot had it" (the accent right ?), then you ask for more power, then I say "All rightie Cap'n, ye'll have yer power but I wouldna try to flush the toilet right now."

Geo: Holodeck simulations have their advantages, they don't age, they can change their appearance at zero cost and they don't own anything (so no need to go shopping with them).

[Growltigger]

Erax, I do like the idea of Star Trek where Scottie says "you can hav' double power on the phasers if you like Cap'n, but if you flush the electric toilet at the same time, I canna say if you wont burn oot the engines".

OK, you have got the job....

Geo, with respect to the sliding doors, I always felt that "shhhhh" was a little bit of an understatement for them. What we could do if sample a few things, and plays these when the doors open eg "It worse than that, he's dead Jim" or "It's life Jim, but not as we no it" or "We come in peace, shoot to kill" or "You canna change the laws of physics Cap'n" or even "Growltigga is the love god of the Universe"

[dogscoff]

Hey 'Tig, say what you like about Riker but at least he gets to boff a different alien bird every episode.

Hmm, should we be dividing this thread up into episodes?

*In the absence of anything useful to do, dogscoff strokes his beard and raises one eyebrow thoughfully.

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog AKA Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat AKA Growltigger sits in his command chair and makes a mental note to ask Engineer Erax to fit Commander Dogscoff with a remote controlled exploding collar...

Dogscoff, why are holding that apple clenched between your buttocks? judging from the way your eyebrow is raised, you are obviously enjoying it.. and have you spilled your cocoa? oh no, it a funny little fey goatee beard, you should get that shaved off, make it so

[Katchoo]

Can I be Mr S'Katchoo, the emotionally repressed Science Officer who goes to bed everynight with a picture of his Captain in his arms, weeping like a baby

(C'mon, everyone knows Spock had the hots for Kirk, don't you?)

[Growltigger]

Katchoo, whilst I fully understand why you naturally have the "hots" for such a red blooded damn fine looking muscular and heroic chap like myself (I even make statues sweat), I am afraid to inform you that I only bat from the proper wicket and if you think I am sharing my spaceship with a pointy eared repressed bi-sexual Canadian science officer, I am afraid we will have to play the old game of "stick the vulcan out of the airlock"

Actually, if you promise to only go to bed clutching and sobbing at a picture of my first officer, you have the job. I think you may be in there anyhow as the fellow seems to go round with an apple up his backside

[dogscoff]

Captain 'Tig, I have an idea for this Bar Trek thing: We divide the thread into episodes.

Each episode will Last for 100 Posts, and will have a name based on a crude mangling of a genuine Star Trek episode. In that time we have to have an adventure with some kind of plot to it. Along the way we'll kill a few red-shirts and generally do what we do best, but try to arrive at some kind of credible conclusion at the end of the 100 Posts.

Extra points if the story we come up with bears any resemblance at all to the real star trek (or bab5 or whatever) episode it is crudely named after.

If the Captain is in agreement we will continue recruiting until post number 100 in this thread, and then we can get on with (dramatic pause)

Bar Trek: The Pissed Generation
Episode 1: Encounter at Fart Point.

If all goes well then in a few thousand Posts we can all redesign our uniforms and make a hugely expensive and disappointing blockbuster film Version which completely screws up any semblance of continuity we used to posess