Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Raging Deadstar]

*Captain Leyasu quickly looks around his attractive crew, stopping at the wepaons officer who he finds extremely attractive. He suddenly snaps out of the trance and watches as the Real Jean Luc Le grand Chat bursts onto the bridge with his crew and begins a full phaser fight. Mnay of the red shirt ensigns take sides with the captain they believe is true. (Well think about it, GT has orange fur! A ginger beard won't show up to well, so it's mainly the short sighted ensigns, though they probably have better aim than your average red shirt)
Leyasu notices the end is coming and Jean Luc le Grand Chat commanding someone to fire the Torpedoes! Leyasu quickly orders the ships to retreat leaving the battle harden woemn upset and the ones who want to live a couple of days more pleased. The five anathema battlecruisers quickly cloak and disappear leaving behind them a couple of mines equipped with giant explosive boxing gloves as a leaving present as they hit warp 5 and bLast off towards the borders of Deadstar space!*

[narf poit chez BOOM]

narf takes off with his rats.
(narf go by-by. yeah, your making the sensitive christian uncomfortable.)

[ May 19, 2003, 21:56: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Power Man]

Power Man is happy to be back on the correct Phong’s Head. (It is the correct one? Right Captain??).
Taking out his phaser he goes “In Search Of “ the Pansy power man.
He is found hiding in the WC.

“OH MY!! His suit is a wimpy paisley blue with hot pink stripes. “

Pansy power man cries out: “Don’t hurt me. I want to go home. This ship is Nasty. The controls are wrong, the turbolifts are mean, everyone laughs at my goatee, and I can’t find my way around……

SLAP SLAP The Real Power Man says, “There that shut him/me up. “

The real Power Man bundles the pansy up and takes him to the transporter.
Before Power Man sends him back he tells the pansy, ”Your Federation is doomed to End in ruin.
If you wise up and stop being such a pansy you can save yourself and the Federation.
One Man can make a difference. Be That Man!” Get rid of those silly pink stripes.
As he is beamed back the pansy says he will “sleep on it”.

Power Man returns to the Bridge. Captain I have returned the ginger bearded pansy power man to his ship.
Sitting down at the controls Power Man sets the ships phasers to “sweep” and destroys the mine “presents” that were left by the Deadstar ships.

Captain I think I can get the course those ships were on when they cloaked. Our “eagle eye” scanners were still on. They were able to track them as they left.

(By the Way Taz I really like your new avatar.)

[Growltigger]

Make it so Mr Power Man, I would like to know where those wretched Deadstar space scum have gone to.

I feel that they have meddled with the TSSS Phong's Head and thr adventures of Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat and his intrepid crew once too often, first they interfered with out negotiations at Fart Point, secondly, I am sure they were responsible with our being beamed to the USS Ginger Minger, and third, the rotten swine shot at this ship...

If they want to meddle with the Galactic Federation, then we need to show them that the price for meddling is losing your hands at the wrists!!

Hmmmmm, we have a few Posts left for this episode, I suggest that in true Startrek TNG style, we spend the rest of this episode dealing with the personal problems of one of the crew... How about Taz's furballs (they are you know!)?, Deanna Gryphin's angst about his cleavage?, Commander Dogscoff's propensity for clenching apples between his buttocks?, Mr Power Man's homicidal tendencies?, Mr Kamog's abuse of poor animals? Mr S'Katchoo's mind melding abilities as employed in cottaging? My own tyrannical, violent and ever so charming propensities?

PS I am a black tiger on this episode, no orange fur on me!

PPS Mr Kamog, report to the captain's ready room. I need to have a severe word with you about abusing Barry. By the way, cover yourself in a nice Hollandaise sauce and dont wear your uniform. Barry says the threads get stuck between his teeth

[ May 20, 2003, 09:02: Message edited by: growltigger ]

[dogscoff]

dogscoff rematerialises on the transporter pad, and is almost immediately aware that something is wrong.

"Something wrong, commander?" Asks Erax, who is manning the transporter controls.
"I think someone ('Tigga) is trying to get rid of me." Replies a weary dogscoff. "Someone rigged the transporter so I'd end up in a completely random parallel universe."
"Yes," says Erax, honking his comedy red nose "you certainly don't look like you belong here."
With that, Erax flaps out of the transporter room in his size 18 shoes, just as the 'Tigga from this dimension walks in. He stops to squirt 'scoff in the face with water from a pLastic lapel-flower, before chastising him for not wearing his ClownFleet regulation giant green wig and baggy troUsers.

'Scoff sighs, goes over to the transporter controls, gives them a kick and steps back on the pad, hoping this time he will be sent back home.

[ May 20, 2003, 11:20: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog, Stardate 12.53 GMT Hmmmm, I wonder where that useless first officer of mine has got to these days, oh well, we are not missing him and the bridge seems a much nicer place when he is not there.

We are cruising at warp 1, slowly picking up the trail of the Deadstar warships which attacked us and then fled after my, ahem, interuption of their normal bridge facilities. There is nothing like extreme force to persuade someone to turn tail.

The TSSS Phong's Head is such a relief. No gingers are aboard, and the only person with a goatee is missing

What could happen next?

[Erax]

"Engineering to Bridge. Cap'n, all our transporter problems seem to be fixed now. The computer says Commander Scoffo and Lieutenant Kamog are not aboard.

I could rig the transporters to trawl the dimensions for them, if you wish."