Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Erax]

Erax looks up from his drink as the alarm sirens go off. In his befuddled state, he confuses them with the "intruder aboard" alert.

"Oh, right. Jesh my luck, I take a break fer a few minutesh an' it'sh intrudersh aboard, aye, Engineeer Erax washn't doing hish job, beaming all the aliensh back to their dimensionsh. Better get on with it already, then.

Erax and Communist-Erax get up, one supporting the other, and head for the transporter room. After some fumbling with the controls, Erax sends his double back, then scans the ship.

"Aye, we 'ave some trans-dim, trans-dim, some folksh who are not from the Phong aboard. Better get rid of them fast."

Minger S'Katchoo is whisked away from the bridge. The brig's forcefield is taken down for a brief instant, enough to allow the jawas to be sent on their way.

"Now where did that do-nutting assishtant of mine get to ? Oh, right, I had'im beamed to the brig."

Erax goes down to the brig to locate Kamog.

"There you are ! You look hungry, want a haggis sandwich ?"

[Katchoo]

Meanwhile in the Pink Triangle Nebula, the TSS Phong's Head Shuttle "Herpes" has docked with several other smaller Ships, such as a Winnebego marked as "Eagle 5", and a silver saucer ship.

Aboard the Herpes, Mr. S'Katchoo is hosting a party. Music reverberates through the hull and everyone is dancing. Mr S'Katchoo, also on the dance floor, butt slams into a large half man-half dog humanoid, and the Minger Ginger Captain slow dances with a smaller thin grey alien with large black oval eyes. Off in a corner, several of the grey aliens are comparing their...aft probing instruments...with the vibrating vegetable belonging to the Princess from Planet Druidia.

Suddenly Mr S'Katchoo crumbles to the floor, obviously in agony. The half man-half dog (or Mog) investigates.

Mog: "Are you alright?"

Mr S'Katchoo: "No... I suddenly felt the anguishing cries of a billion lives, but they're gone now. I feel something terrible has happened..."

Mog: "Want another White Dwarf Swirlly?"

Mr. S'Katchoo: "Yes...no, I can't. I must return to the Phong's Head and warn the crew. There is a great and terrible force approaching. It might be here at any moment...or in several years. It's hard to tell. I'm not a psychologist you know."

The Mog puts a reassuring hand on Mr. S'Katchoo's shoulder.

Mog: "There there pal. Here, have a Milkbone."

*cruch*crunch*crunch*

Mr S'Katchoo: "Computer, set course back to the TSS Phong's Head, maximum speed."

Computer: "Sure thing, sweet cheeks!"

And with that, the Herpes breaks away from the other Ships and speeds off towards the Phong's Head.

Unfortunately, S'Katchoo forgot to tell the rest of the party go'ers that he was leaving, and so everyone who was on board the Herpes for the party is stuck aboard for the Herepes trip back.

[Kamog]

Kamog has spent the Last several days locked up in the brig along with two frightened Jawas.

"Hey, is that a nice burger I see?!" ... *blinks a few times*
"No, it's a Jawa... "

A few minutes later.
"Wow! A big chunk of cooked ham! " *opens bottle of Hollandaise sauce*
The image of ham wavers and takes the form of a small humanoid with glowing eyes.
"What! It's that Jawa again! "

Much later...
"Hmm, I wonder what Jawa tastes like? Maybe it's not so bad..."

Fortunately for the Jawas, they are transported out before they turn into a Moogle's lunch.
"Hey, I knew I should have eaten them when I had the chance! "

Happily, Kamog is saved by Chief Engineer Erax.

"Haggis sandwich? Thank you, sir! I'm starving!" Kamog devours the sandwich that Erax brought.

[Growltigger]

crackles of electricity spark across the stricken Klingon vessel, plasma is jetting out from the engine nacelles, atmosphere is venting from holes in the hull...

The fearless Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat turns to his communications officer, Ensign Patsy the PVC Pervert, and asks if the Klingons have signalled their surrender. Patsy replies that all she got was someone sounding like they were talking Norwegian with a mouthful of gravel swearing at her..

"Hmmm" thinks the heroic captain, "I guess that means they wont surrender". Mr Power Man, lock on the tractor beam and signal the marines to prepare for boarding".

"Captain" says Power Man, "I read a large energy surge on the Klingon ship, they have set their reactor to overload so it will self destruct. Oh no, they are also launching some sort of weapon"...

The Klingon captain appears on the viewscreen "you Galactic Federation scum have beaten us this time, we never mind being beaten in a fair fight by a superior tactician as yourself Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, but asking your allies to fire ticlking weaponry at us which paints our ship pink is dishonorable and cowardly... they are an affront to civilised warfare and the klingon warrior code. We will take care of that and have launched our secret high explosive anti minger missile to sort this out". The captain coughs a couple of times and keels over...

"Activate point defence weaponry Mr Power Man, try and stop that missile before it hits the Ginger Minger"

"It is too far away Captain, it is too far away, hold on, what's this, the shuttle Herpes has appeared on the screens heading towards us at high speed. Oh my god, it is heading for the Ginger Minger and the klingon missile has locked on to it, oh no, scanners show that Mr S'Katchoo is on board."

"Quick, beam that mincing pervert off that shuttle"

"Aye aye Captain, Mr S'Katchoo is now on the transporter pad aboard the Phong's Head" says Power Man...

Just before it hits the Herpes, Mr Power Man manages to intercept the missile with a point defense bLast, the missile explodes and the force of the explosion is so powerful that it opens a dimensional rift to the minger dimension, and propels the Ginger Minger and the Herpes to that dimension!!

The dimensional rift disappears...

The crew of the Phong's Head is complete. The Klingon ship explodes and space is clear and happy!

[David E. Gervais]

...Psssst, hey people, Taz is acting up in my avatar thread again,.. y'all should drop by and see what he's doing..

Cheers!

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz quickly grabs the 300th Cantina post...and whirls on over to David's thread to see what I'm doing!!

[Growltigger]

OK, Episode 2 closes with thumping good music, pictures of the TSSS Phong's Head zooming past the screen, and the occassional still shot of Captain Jean Luc looking heroic, photon torpedoes hitting the klingon ship, Kamog stuffed in the brig with jawas, S'Katchoo doing the hokey kokey with a bunch of ponces, a still from the Captain's video, more pictures of Jena Luc looking heroic and the like.

OK, episode 2 was a bit of a minger. What are we doing for episode 3? we need something with a bit more action, a more pazzazz and joi de vivre

Any (sensible) ideas