Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Power Man]

Captain , I have reviewed the sensor logs from the encounter. The cute bird's ship was of an unknown but advanced design. It appears to have an advanced Ion Drive !
I bet chief engineer Erax would just Love to check under her Hood!

Our "Beagle Nose" sensors have picked up the trail of the alien ship.
I am setting course to follow and overtake.

Captain: I know it's tempting to just continue on. But just think of all the paper work you will have to fill out !!
Besides S'Katchoo does play, I mean Practice Ship Maneuvers, in a mean game of Star Fury and I'd miss that.

[Raging Deadstar]

Awww cripes i have nothing to do in this episode (did i just say cripes?)

Ok i'll just continue my investigations on the crew of the Phong's head

*On Board the Phongs Head the Probe droid is still under the hologram disguise of the ensign, he walks down the corridor and heads into the engineers department. There Erax is currently having a haggis sandwhich. The ensign walks over to him and silently injects Erax with a fast acting drug. Erax turns round to look but only sees the feet of the attacker as his body slumps to the ground*

*Erax awakes in his drugged state and is now tied in a chair bolted to a machine. He stares constantly at the decloacked probe droid and is mesmorised by the flashing lights, the drug quickly spreads throuhgout his system and he is drooling slightly*

"Chief Engineer Erax, who is your loyalty to? I also want access codes to Jean Luc Le Grand Chats log, i believe you have something that could help me?And is it true you're having an affair with Kamog down here...? "

[Katchoo]

A low, haunting noise ememnates from the hollow space in Mr. S'Katchoo's head as the air from the nearby air conditioning unit blows through.

The noise attracts several hillbillies from Fartpoint who had sneaked aboard. The hillbilles, wearing ratty looking denim overalls, strawhats, and covered in dirt, sneak into Sickbay.

Hillbilly # 1: "Hey Pa, this here fella's makes the same noise as yer bottle of Moonshine when you blow on it."

Hillbilly # 2: "He sure does, Billy Bo. Grab me that there chair and i'll play us a jig."

The Hillbillies shout "YEEEEEHAWWWW* and the older Hillbilly begins to blow in Mr. S'Katchoo's ear, producing a low tone.

* oooooo * OOOO * oooooooooo * OOO * oooooooooo * OOO * ooo * OOOOOOOOOOO *

Naturally, a hoe-down breaks out, and Sickbay becomes a Hillbilly festival.

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz, as usual behind the bar in Ten Forward, is experimenting with new hot sauces to go on the tribble wings. He reads the label on his newest find:
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Dave's Insanity Sauce

Dave's original! This is the only sauce ever Banned from the National Fiery Foods show. Not only is it a good sauce, but Dave says it "strips waxed floors and removes driveway grease stains." Tomato sauce, onions, hot pepper extract, hot peppers, vinegar, spices, soy oil and garlic salt.
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Liking the sound of the above description, Taz pours out a generous amount on some of the tribble wings.

A hillbilly-looking type fellow approaches the bar and, seeing what Taz is doing, produces a bottle and hands it to Taz. This bottle reads:
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Screaming Sphincter

Weez gessin it alls strartud when grama wuz in tha outhouse a yellin and cussin. Shur nuff she'd gottin into the hot stuff. Cayenne, vinegar, salt and spices.
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Taz figures it's worth a try and covers the remaining Tribble wings with this new sauce.

Taz then begins to look for some likely candidates to try these new Hot Tribble Wings on...

BTW - both of these sauces are real - they can be found here: www.geckogarys.com/mall/WayTooHot.asp
To be tried at your own risk!!!

[ June 03, 2003, 04:35: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]

[Katchoo]

Speaking of sphincters (!) check -> This Site Out

Be sure to listen to the jingle

[Kamog]

Uh-oh, did somebody mention the o-word in the ingredients of Dave's Insanity Sauce?

Kamog goes to Ten Forward to try some of the hot sauce on tribble wings...

[Growltigger]

Awooga Awooga Awooga Awoooga

The proximity alarm screams as the Captain runs from his ready room onto the bridge.

Shields up, charge phaser banks, go to red alert. Mr Power Man report.

Captain, out of nowhere, a large number of asteroid side vegetables have appeared in space right in front of us. I suspect someone mentioned the "o-word" aboard the ship....

Mr Power Man, launch photon torpedoes and destroy those vegetables...

and can someone tell me why I heard a banjo sounding from the sick bay, and our doctor saying "dammit, I'm a doctor, not an inbreeding specialist"