Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Raging Deadstar]

*As the Captain prepares his away team the camera pans across to the planet and zooms in to the icy wasteland. Patrolling the perimeters to the ruins are two deadstar scouts. Two vanessa feltz clones stalk forwards on all fours with a turbolaser turret mounted upon their backs. Standing on top of them are two Deadstar scouts. They're both wearing purple and black costumers simmilar to what that silver number that seven of nine wears. Now that the away team has ideas of intimate liasons with these two patrol units may i remind you that these scouts have the ability to suck the life out of anyone they choose, an added ability this particular race has. (*Hint* anyone caught tampering with these guards will have to have very low sexual prowess and the ability to finish in under a minute! I'm sure the good Captain wouldn't want people with such a lack of sexual ability on his crew) They stalk the outsides of the ruins, protecting the deadstar research team who are studying an alien race and culture in a village a mile or two away! It seems the Away team may have some trouble if they beam down to the ruins *

[Growltigger]

Originally posted by Senator Raging Deadstar:
(*Hint* anyone caught tampering with these guards will have to have very low sexual prowess and the ability to finish in under a minute!

Hmmm, flash of inspiration there for the good Captain I feel. Right, for this away team, we need Commander Dogscoff (where is that reprobate??), Taz, Kamog, Erax and, if he would like to join the crew for once mission, Narf Poit Chez Boom or whatever he calls himself.

Chaps, take the phaser rifles with you and dress up cold. Assemble in the transporter room whilst I get the photon torpoedoes and planet buster missiles ready to be fired on a moment's notice. Dont worry, the honour of the Galactic Federation means that I promise not to fire them until you are safely off the planet (fingers crossed).

Make it so

[dogscoff]

*Dogscoff arrives in the transporter room wearing full battle armour and sporting a massive gun like the one Vasquez had at the start of aliens. He is also wearing a set of pastel blue fluffy ear-muffs.

[Erax]

Erax joins Dogscoff in the transporter room. He is wearing a snow-camo parka with lots of pockets with tools and such. There's a phaser in there somewhere, now if only he could remeber which pocket it's in...

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog - Stardate 1800 GMT, I am about to send my intrepid crew down on a potentially lethal away mission to the planet. We have detected signs of life on the freezing iceball we are orbitting, and we are also convinced that the Evil Deadstar Continumumumum is involved in this heinous plot to steal our science officer's brain.

I suspect the Deadstar Continumumum have some evil plot hatching, it probably involves some Vanessa Feltz' clones with laser turrets mounted on their backs and an evil ability to suck the life out of any red blooded male who can Last longer than a minute with them. YOu never know what those cunning fiends are up to...

I feel that I should go on this mission. It is potentially too dangerous to send the crew on, and I should be there to lead my troops into danger. Of course, I will be wearing the most advanced and toughest battle armour known to galactic science, as well as being festooned with grenades and carrying "Bertha", my favourite 4 barrelled twin plasma cannon.

The Captain suits up, gets a couple of red shirts in tow and heads down to the transporter room....

[Kamog]

Kamog shows up at the transporter room wearing a heavy, down-filled winter jacket. On his utility belt is a tricorder, a PPG pistol, and several ninja throwing stars. Across his back is an old samurai sword. In one hand, he's carrying a phaser rifle and in the other, a nice bouquet of flowers.

[Taz-in-Space]

The transporter room briefly becomes a trifle breazy as a minature whirlwind spins into view.
Suddenly the whirlwind resolves itself into - the Taz.

Taz is wearing - well, his usual fur...

And he is armed with - His usual 6 inch fangs and (if necessary) a temperment that would make a crazed wounded rhino seem positively mellow.

He is also carrying a sachel loaded with various ACME gadgets and his favorite noise maker: an antique .50 cal gold-plated Desert Eagle Revolver. (He just loves the 'booming' sound it makes! )

"Taz reporting duty, Captain!"