Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth

[Growltigger]

Erax, you can run but you can't hide.

And this is a real sign that the cantina is dead and buried and has shuffled off this mortal coil.

In the old cantina, if Britney Spears turned up, the clientele would not have repeatedly hit her over the head with a sausage. What they would have done might well have involved sausages, but certainly not in the "assualting craniums" use!

[dogscoff]

*Dogscoff swaggers up to the cantina, tanned and fat after two delightful weeks in Sri Lanka. He's eager to celebrate his recent wedding by buying a round or Arrak for everyone, getting thoroughly drunk and then and performing a traditional Sri Lankan wedding dance on 'Tigga's head (while wearing somewhat less than traditional pair of football boots.)

The place deserted. A "closed for business" sign adorns the door. Dogscoff's face drops. His beerbelly droops dejectedly.

Alone and fighting back the tears, he stumbles off to the nearest off-license, buys two bottles of the cheapest available vodka and heads for the beach. As darkness falls, he uses one bottle of vodka to get a decent driftwood-fire going and the other to salute the memory of a most illustrious establishment. Ghostly images of amiable mayhem flicker in the flames...

[Rollo]

In a corner of the cantina that was once called the Royal Booth a tattered Viking crawls from under the table, followed by a Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz clone.
"Hmm, did I miss something?", Rollo ask himself as he watches the tumbleweeds rolling by. "Umm, and yeah girls, my middle name is really Charly...".
Grabbing a keg of mead from his personal storage under each arm the thirsty Viking leaves the cantina. He spots a fire off the distance.
"Okay ladies, let's head for the beach."

[Growltigger]

The fire flickers on the sand. Dogscoff and Rollo sit staring out to sea, sipping their vodka and mead occassionally and generally looking narked off.

Growltigga walks up and sits down next to them. The occassional bang and crash from the cantina indicate that Erax is frantically building barricades against the marauding businessmen.

You know chaps, says the great if destitute cat, how far down in the basement do you think Erax will get before he realises that the cantina is actually built on top of a large hive of "Aliens" (a la the movie of the same name). I have only been feeding them diet yoghurt for the Last couple of months and they must now be absolutely starving. I wonder if they need some tortilla wraps with their Brazilian hors deuve?

[Growltigger]

[quote]Originally posted by dogscoff:
[QB] *Dogscoff swaggers up to the cantina, tanned and fat after two delightful weeks in Sri Lanka.

You spawny get, I havn't had a holiday since September and am really feeling it. Sri Lanka? where were you? I thought it a rather lovely place indeed when I went there back in 1997

He's eager to celebrate his recent wedding by buying a round or Arrak for everyone, getting thoroughly drunk

Congratulations, I had no idea that your young lady (assuming that it is a young lady) had had the poor sense to agree to marry you I assume you caught in a moment of weakness, such as when she was shopping for shoes or something. We need some getting thoroughly drunk round here. As you can see the cantina has died a death!

and then and performing a traditional Sri Lankan wedding dance on 'Tigga's head (while wearing somewhat less than traditional pair of football boots.)

As a mark of respect for the new Mrs Dogscoff, I will not remove your happy sacks for that remark, nor will I employ Erax's freshly roasted red hot poker in its traditional fashion!

[Erax]

Warning : this post contains links to excessively silly sites.

Erax runs ever deeper into the Cantina's less-known recesses, and stops cold when he rounds a corner and sees enough Aliens to make H.R. Giger run home calling for his mommy.

"OMGWTFOMFG!!!"

Little does the Boss know, however, that Erax was created by the Xenomorphs, aka 'Aliens'. As soon as they see him, they grab him and put him to work around their hive, then start climbing up, looking for something to eat.

[dogscoff]

You spawny get, I havn't had a holiday since September and am really feeling it.

Well it's our first holiday in two years (and probably our Last for another two=-) but we had an unprecedented chance to splash out at the travel agents so we did. And decided to take the opportunity to get married while we were at it- less hassle and expense than doing it at home.

Sri Lanka? where were you? I thought it a rather lovely place indeed when I went there back in 1997

Yeah, it still is. There's a real sense (or there was to me) of growth and increasing prosperity over there. Things are pretty hard for a lot of ppl there but you get the feeling that it's getting better.
And the food, the scenery, the wildlife, the local beer and the climate is just superb. I had a fantastic time.

Congratulations, I had no idea that your young lady (assuming that it is a young lady) had had the poor sense to agree to marry you I assume you caught in a moment of weakness, such as when she was shopping for shoes or something.

Actually it was her idea. We booked the holiday/ wedding then bought a ring back on April 1st. Then we texted/ mailed our friends/ family and they all thought we were joking=-)

We need some getting thoroughly drunk round here.

Right, in that case...

*Dogscoff stands up and walks toward the cliffs above the beach. He finds a particular spot, turns due east and starts counting his steps. The others look on in bewilderment. Eventually he stops and starts digging a hole in the sand. Within minutes he has struck something solid. Rollo and 'Tig help him excavate a large wooden box, which upon opening contains 36 bottles of finest Vaxin Absynthe.

"One of my emergency stashes."

'scoff pops the top off a bottle of the green stuff and passes it round.