Phong's Head Cantina [TM] - Starfury Sector (A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy)

[General Woundwort]

Late at night, a dark and drizzly night straight from Blade Runner, Woundwort and the foreman construction droid stand outside the Phong's Head. The dull roar of metal saws, las-torches, and other machinery can be heard from within the Cantina even at that late hour. But at this time our two heroes are intently focused on two hoverdroids who are maneuvering a huge sign over the main entrance. They lower it into place, slowly, and then it is magnetically locked-in. Several smaller droids quickly work behind it to connect it to the building's main power grid. One of these droids gives a thumbs-up. Woundwort nods, then speaks into his wrist computer.

"Switch it on."



The foreman droid looks up at the sign. "It looks interesting, but if I may ask, why isn't it a hologram? And what is that tubing in the 'Phong's Head' lettering?"

"It's neon light bulbs."

"Neon?!?"

Woundwort smiles. "It's a continuity thing. You wouldn't understand."

A smaller droid, who up till now had been doing a datadump of the holoposters, floats up to Woundwort and prints out a message from its "mouth". Woundwort looks it over, then turns to the foreman droid.

"You're back in charge here again. I need to go back over to the Home Cantina for some business."

[ July 14, 2003, 01:25: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort trudges back towards the Phong's Head, watching as a convoy of supply trucks rumbles towards the rear cargo entrance. He notices a Toydarian hovering near the front entrance. He motions him around to the side alley.

"Hey, Woundawort, I'va gotz the droiza you asked... hey, you no looka so good. Whazzap?"

[pause] "...have you ever seen a Class II felinoid in a toga?"

"No, thata I hava to say I haven't. Dohnna want to either."

"You got that right. Did you say you have the battledroids?"

The Toydarian shows a nasty grin. "Thatza right. Good ones, too. What with the Star Wars franchise agoing to the pits, you'va got quite a bargain. Lotza the pinwheel combat droids, a-tweaked to youra specifications. We stilla gotta deal?"

Woundwort pauses, thinking of the implications of Deadstar's comments to the Boss...

Also i would hire my own staff (fully combat trained female bodyguards and bouncers)

"You're darn right we have a deal."

Woundwort reaches into one of his pockets, pulls out a checkbook, and draws up a check from the Traveller's Aid Society... from his own personal account...

[ July 14, 2003, 18:45: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Raging Deadstar]

Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!

Don't worry Boss this is coming out my pocket btw! I just expect a discount on any non alchoholic drinks we stock Sound fair?

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!

[General Woundwort]

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
Hey boss, are these for protecting the office? If it's for the front door i was thinking more on the line of some Celebrity clones fully trained in Jujitsu, bar control, karate, judo, a couple other martial arts and trained by Deadstar monks!

These... are for back-up. You've been around the Cantina awhile, right? You should know that things, well, have a tendency to get out of hand. The more firepower you have at your disposal, the better.

Reason: Droideka don't look as good in a skimpy dress! You got to keep the customers happy and unless we get erax the handyman in they arn't going to be interested in Battle droids!

These won't be posted at the front door, of course! They'll be kept out of sight, until their presence is... required.

And since security is paramount how about some tachyon projection cannons, gravitational hellbores and EM Passive sensors at the door, should take care of any intruders and their weapons. We don't want any of my combat femes getting hurt (they can handle themselves btw) or the maitenance going up on your battle droids!

Well, this place used to be a Space Marine barracks, after all. I won't advertise the full panoply of defenses, not with any number of itchy ears listening in. But as long as you're here, come on inside and I'll give you the cook's tour...

[RD - check your private Messages.]

[General Woundwort]

Several droids have finished setting up a large circular metal projector in the sidewalk outside the Phong's Head. Soon afterward, a shimmering statue appears in the middle of the circle - a larger-than-life size hologram of a snazzily dressed, ferocious looking felinoid.

"That's that. Any word from Deadstar?"

"No sir. We know the courier bot got there and delivered the message, but we lost its transponder signal soon afterward."

Woundwort smiles. "I thought that might happen. I'm actually amazed it Lasted as long as it did. Well, I've done my bit."

The foreman droid looks up at Woundwort in confusion. "Normally you go on errands like that yourself... why waste a bot (even a cheap one like that) on such a triviality?"

[pause] "...because I hate the smell of fried calamari."

"Sir...?"

Another wry smile. "Forget about it."

[ July 15, 2003, 18:54: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

Outside the front facade of the Phong's Head (currently being polished and burnished by a swarm of droids resembling mechanical Dow Scrubbing Bubbles), Woundwort is having a discussion with the Peter Lorre clone again. The discussion is rather spirited.

"What do you mean, Starfury won't be open for business for another eight to ten weeks!?!?!?"

"I'm most sorry, sir, but the operating authorities on Malfador III have decided to rework their economic and ship construction models. They assure me that this delay will drastically improve..."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. Meanwhile we'll be sitting here on our duffs with an empty Cantina. Bloody administrators!"

"Your patience is greatly appreciated, sir."

"It's not my patience you need to procure at this moment. My Boss is most displeased with this apparent blow to our profits. If... when he demands an accounting for this, I assure you it won't come out of my hide!"

Woundwort turns and stomps into the Phong's Head. The doors slide shut behind him.

The Lorre clone is left on a windblown empty street, looking with fearful apprehension at his UWW pad, currently featuring the fearsome portrait of Growltigger in its display.

[Growltigger]

Given the driving rain and generally gloomy and morbid decor, no one notices a large Class II feline (ooh, someone is really going to suffer for that remark) placing stacks of C4 against the holographic sign outside the Starfury cantina entrance.....

now, what does this red button do on the detonator?