Phong's Head Cantina [TM] - Starfury Sector (A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy)

General Woundwort · #1 July 23rd, 2003, 05:01 PM

The foreman droid enters Woundwort's office. Woundwort is going over the accounting spreadsheet on a pop-up computer screen on his desk.

"What happened to the message bot?"

"We transported it back as ordered."

"And...?"

"Well... we had to destroy it upon arrival?"

"What is this, 20 Questions? What on earth happened?"

The foreman droid walks over to Woundwort and starts buzzing in his ear. Variously, looks of shock, horror, and disgust march over his face.

"Uh... right. Carry on."

"Yes, sir. What about the holostatue?"

"Don't bother replacing it. Just call the Starfury construction board and have them fill in the crater in the sidewalk. As long as the opening is delayed, they can put the time to good use."

"Yes, sir."

General Woundwort · #2 August 6th, 2003, 11:42 PM

Woundwort reclines in the chair of his office, watching the construction work on the interior of the Phong's Head on a bank of videoscreens lining the right-hand wall. The finishing touches are being put on. The work is almost done.

"And pretty much on time," he muses aloud between puffs of a cigar. "On our part. If only those guys on Malfador III were more prompt..." A sigh, followed by a long draw, and a puff of smoke. "Well, nothing to do now but wait..."

A sharp chime announces the arrival of the foreman droid. It walks into the office and clicks its heels.

"The Last design changes have been filed. One more shipment of decor and we're all set. Give it another 48 hours and she'll be ready to go."

"Excellent. Good work, lad. Good work."

"Oh, by the way... since things were winding down here, one of the Boss's other employees asked for a loan of some worker droids for a project back at the home cantina."

"Sure, why not? We've no further need for them here. Just out of curiosity, what project?"

"Well..."

Woundwort drops the cigar onto a large marble ashtray. "Okay, NOW what?"

The droid hesitates, then walks up to Woundwort and buzzes into his ear.

"Oh... my.... g..." Woundwort drops his head into his hands and sits motionless for a long time.

"Okay. When... IF... those droids get back, make sure they are thoroughly disinfected. GOT IT?"

"Yessir."

The foreman droid snaps to attention, and departs the office. Woundwort stares at the smouldering stub of his cigar.

"What in the world have I gotten myself into here...?"

Raging Deadstar · #3 August 9th, 2003, 12:22 PM

Woundwort, i'd be decidedly worried if GT makes the orgasmatron compulsory in all cantinas!

Also i'd be worried if Ragnarok visits in his current state, we may have to order a lot more food and widen the doors.

General Woundwort · #4 August 9th, 2003, 03:18 PM

Tell me about it. I think these guys have been at their computer terminals too long...

(opens up a polished-walnut chest and holds it in Deadstar's direction)

Cigar? Somebody's gotta celebrate the end of construction...

[ August 09, 2003, 14:19: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

Raging Deadstar · #5 August 17th, 2003, 12:42 PM

No thanks Woundwort, don't dare touch those deathsticks!

I'll advertise in the original cantina and see if we can get some new blood here.

General Woundwort · #6 August 17th, 2003, 12:51 PM

I'll have you know [lights a match and takes a few initial puffs] that lung cancer was an absolute rarity before cigarettes. Cigars are different. You don't inhale (unless you're nuts).

Alright then, let's get this thing going!

[Woundwort punches a few buttons on his wrist-computer. The lights blaze on outside, and a holographic marquis scrolls across the building above the main entrance.]

THE PHONG'S HEAD CANTINA - STARFURY SECTOR IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ITS GALA PREVIEW PRE-STARFURY-RELEASE OPENING PARTY. IN KEEPING WITH A LONG-STANDING PHONG'S HEAD FRANCHISE TRADITION, THE FIRST TEN (10) CUSTOMERS GET A FREE ROUND ON THE HOUSE.

[ August 17, 2003, 11:57: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

Erax · #7 August 19th, 2003, 11:00 PM

Woundwort has said the five magic words...

Erax, who was getting some much-needed sleep on his day off after installing all the stuff the Boss asked for in the old cantina, is picked up by the magical force of those words and barely has time to get dressed before they zoom him across time and space at ludicrous speed...

...to arrive before General Woundwort.

"Did anyone say, 'free round on the house ?' Gimme a Rodian beer. Green mind you, not pink."

"By the way, thanks for the droids, GW. I owe you a favor."

[ August 19, 2003, 22:01: Message edited by: Erax ]