The bigger you are...

[Will]

Read it earlier in the day. I like it.

One suggestion: try not starting so many lines/paragraphs with quotes. It gets a bit repetitive as far as style goes. And -- as far as my reading style goes -- it's a bit jarring to read a bit of quoted dialog, then realize it's from a different character than was initally expected. Perhaps showing a bit more of the internal thoughts of the characters would help, to preface more of the spoken words. For example, the line:

"Do it." Roeding didn't even hesitate.

... could flow much better by simply swapping the sentences:

Roeding did not even hesitate. "Do it."

At least that's what I think. I just read things, I'm not much of a writer. There are people here much more qualified to give advice on the subject.

As for the story itself... more background, please! All I get is that it's a fleet battle. Nothing of what the sides are, nothing about why there's a conflict/war going on, little of what's going on with the characters. Great on action, and has it's own variety of BLAM!, but overall, needs more substance if it's gonna keep me.