Only thing I'd like to point out is that, in general, it is a good idea to post to a writers forum or somewhere similar before posting in a place you feel requires a "finished" product. Personally, I consider any forum such a place
Just try to have a finished product before you put the piece to a website. So go ahead and and re-write those scenes!
And in case I forgot to mention it, that was a good story, even if I found a lot of problems.
And 1 / 2 are really part of the same thing, of course, so you need to work on them together.
Re: Ocelots Rampant (Game Story)
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