OT: Somebody's critique of my story

[Hunpecked]

Starhawk writes:

"5. Well to be honest with you Hunpecked I'm not all that experienced with romance as I've only asked two girls out since I reached dating age..."

Not to worry. I dated 3 GF and married the 4th; I figure in another 100 years or so I might have an iota of an inkling of an understanding of romance.

And when personal experience is lacking, there's plenty of second-hand information out there, if you keep your eyes open. Fantasy romance, as portrayed in movies, TV, and romance novels, is readily available. But more realistic or "scientific" information can be found in newspapers, news magazines, and Web articles. Some random examples and observations (though I can't vouch for their accuracy):

People tend to choose spouses whose "overall social value" (a composite of beauty, wealth, intelligence, personality, age, etc.) is roughly equal to their own. Serious mismatches (e.g. Hunpecked and Catherine Zeta-Jones) are rare and pretty much doomed.

In "good" marriages (as judged by trained observers), spouses exchange X number of little affections per day (gift, phone call, caress, slipper fetch, even a glance); in "poor" marriages spouses exchange Y affections, where Y is much smaller than X.

In "good" marriages the husband accedes to the wife's wishes more often than vice-versa. BTW, Mrs. Hunpecked's pet name is "Yes Dear".

Peacocks have outrageously long and gaudy tail feathers because for ages peahens have preferentially mated with long-tailed males. Human females have (proportionately) the largest bosom among primates because men bred them that way. Human males are aggressive scum-sucking pigs because for some unknown reason females bred them that way.

The song "B###h" by Meredith Brooks is in my experience an amazingly concise yet accurate description of female behavior.

Hope this helps.

*** Change of Subject ***

I think tesco samoa has a good point. On the internet it generally costs nothing to be polite even in the face of perceived rudeness. Though the Unknown Critic makes few valid points, I think his/her comments have a certain minuscule value. If nothing else, they stimulated some self-analysis that might not otherwise have occurred.

BTW, it's also polite to ask permission before posting another's E-mail; I hope that was the case here.

[Starhawk]

Hehe well Hunpecked that is actually really helpful thanks I mean the only "personal" references to "romance" that I've been able to observe for long periods, in my personal life are guys my age that date 10-12 girls a year because they just want to get laid as fast and often as possible and don't give a damn about the girls they are with and when those girls figure it out they ditch the jerk.
So I didn't want to use that as a reference point obviously, the other true romances I've seen are usually only brief because unlike the above people they don't tend to brag or spout everything and everyone they've been doing that year.

And I actually did mix a wee bit of holywood in to the "romance" which I guess is what helped make it a little cheesy huh? Aw well live and learn and improve as I go.


As far as Tesco goes, I'm sorry I was rude and it was probobly unintentional of you to come across as rude.

Regarding the self analysis, I suppose you are right his hurting my feelings that severely did certainly cause me to analyse my story in a way I had never done before though for the most part it just made me really afraid my writing really did suck.


AT: Thanks that's actually quite helpful and uplifting I tend to be very judgemental about everything I do when it comes to writing or stoytelling.....oddly enough I can lead a class of people in difficult things yet when it comes down to writing what should be a simple thing I tend to analyse and look at it so much I freak out a little heh