Game: Dawn of War

[Ubercat]

From the Newsdesk

I want to start by apologising for the spottiness of our news updates. The recent war has caused a lot of disruption around here.

As of now, the Ulmish siege of Jotunheim has been broken. Apparently the giants grew tired of eating magical broth and decided that Ulmsmen would make a welcome change. They sortied out and crushed the enemy army. At the same time, their other force moved in and retook some land from the invaders.

Currently Ulm appears to have scraped together a backup army and we're waiting to see where the next battle will take place. One thing seems certain. If Ulm loses this one, they will have nothing left sufficient to keep Jotunheim from returning the invasion favor.

As for the wars innocent victims, a great many Ulmish civilians appear to be suffering greatly from Jotunheims magic retaliation. We've learned that the UCDO has created a new alarm specifically to warn of falling toads. It sounds like a triple croak followed by a sort of grunting noise.

Reports indicate that falling toads are so damaging when they die, that some desperate people are attempting to keep them alive so as to minimize the disease spread! One of our reporters claims that he's witnessed an experimental program to lure as many toads away from population centers as possible. It's hard to credit, but he says that he saw a battalion of Ulms finest croaking and hopping towards some nearby woods. They were trying to get recently fallen toads to follow them away from an important town.

It sounds funny but it's hard to blame them. The airborne toads have caused so much economic harm that, despite still holding great swathes of Jotunheims territory, Ulms GDP has fallen below the giants.

Well, that's it for this edition. We will update you with the news that you need to know, when there is news that you need to know.

J. Jonah Jesterson - Editor in Chief