Advise

[geoschmo]

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop & The Sponge.
Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then don't ever step on the floor; it might get dirty!
If you could afford a maid why would you ever get married?

2. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
Hire a maid. If you can't afford a maid, then empty everything from the closet and put it in the garage: you instantly have a neat, tidy, empty closet!
Better plan. Leave the stuff in the closet and go pretend to work in the garage till she leaves you alone.

3. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
There is no need. Just don't look under there and we're OK.
Here's some money honey. Go buy a big enough comforter so that it hangs down to the floor.

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain?: You CAN tell the Difference
You can disguise a splatter stain by creating many similar stains, evenly spaced out in a grid arrangement so that it looks like a pattern.
I don't know art, but I know what I like.

6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
Some containers should be recycled!
7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, You Can Throw It Away
See #4.
The trash can is gender blind.

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
There are Online grocery stores where you order stuff on the web and they deliver it to your home.
Statistics show that after work, the supermarket is the leading point where affairs begin in America. But if you really want me to go I will...

9. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
Conveniently, listening can be done while doing other things.
God gave me two ears and two eyes. Do you really need all four to be wasted doing one thing at a time?

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 5-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill
How are you supposed to know how old your clothes are?
Since your wife buys all your clothes, she can tell you how old they are. If she didn't buy them they are at least as old as your relationship. Call your mother/ex-wife if you have to know exactly.