Advise

[Wardad]

Reasons the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There's no time like the present to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it, English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
If the plural of foot is feet, why isn't the plural of boot, beet? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what
do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship
by truck and send cargo by ship? Park in a driveway and drive on a
parkway? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance
and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?

[General Woundwort]

Wait, Wardad, you forgot some...

Comb, tomb, and bomb do not rhyme. Womb and doom do.

'ghoti' is pronounced 'fish' ('gh' from 'enough', 'o' from 'women', 'ti' from 'tion').

[EDIT - dang, two were already in there.]

[ August 04, 2003, 23:56: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Gryphin]

I will never forget the day:
Third grade in New Jersey
I contradicted the teacher.
I told her that
dauwg does not rhyme with fog.

I got sent to the princibles office for being ...

[ August 04, 2003, 21:51: Message edited by: Gryphin ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

i enjoyed correcting teacher's. guess you just have to do it the right way. helps if you don't give the impression your making fun of them.

[Gryphin]

I was inocent. I just wanted to help.

For those who may be lost - The New Jersesy accent is so thick some words are not reconizable in Callifornia.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

oh. ok. since i've never been to either place, i didn't really get it.

[Wardad]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
oh. ok. since i've never been to either place, i didn't really get it.

It is time to get your head out of the Cheese.