(Newbie) Galactic Combat 3 - Story Thread

[Katchoo]

Originally posted by Ruatha:
It's always hilarious to get a message from the Katamaran service!
An in-game story from K@choo would be fun to read!

Is that peer pressure I feel?

*poik*

Nope, just a nail I was sitting on

I'll see if I can contribute some insane dialogue to this Thread

[Narrew]

History of Narrew

900 years ago.

At a local courier outpost.

Phillipi-Hey Jaun! I see Narrew has a run to the Javunk Nebula.
Jaun- Yea, but I am sure he will screw it up some how.
Phillipi-Looks around Uh, we could help him on that chuckle
Jaun-Tell me about it. huge grin
A few hours later
Jaun-laughs He wont know what happened since he will be in cryo.
Phillipi-This is not a regular practical joke, but its funny as hell.
Jaun-Oh well, its not like we are killing him, he's just going to be a bit late.

200 years ago

Narrew wakes up from cryo sleep.
Narrew-Computer, are we on approach to the Javunk Nebula?
Computer-No.
Narrew-Then how come you woke me.
Computer-I need your input on what course to take.
Narrew-Umm, go to Javunk Nebula!!!
Computer-I do not know where that is.
Narrew-WHAT? How the hell can you not know where that is?
Computer-I see no common stars so that I can determine where we are at.
Narrew-Ok, so how did we get out here.
Computer-I do not know for sure. It looks like my navigation system was tampered with and the over-ride on your emergency wake-up was adjusted also.
Narrew-How long have I been asleep?
Computer-700 years.
Narrew-faints
Some time later
Narrew-sighs I hope that information I was carrying was not important.
Computer-I have no knowledge if it was.
Narrew-Never mind that. Ok, I have a new order for you. I will go back into cryo and I want you to find civilization or a planet that I can live on.
Computer-Understood.

50 years ago
To be continued

[ May 30, 2003, 18:33: Message edited by: Narrew ]

[Katchoo]

What follows is a transcript of Schnurt Niggel's speech to the Katamaran Academy of Science & Compost. Mr. Niggle is a Professor of History at the Academy, and co-owner of the San Dorp Dirt Hoarders; Katamaran's Championship Go-Fish Team...

Professor Niggel begins:

"Poop...

Poop is the foundation of the Katamaran Service. Without it, we would starve and would have no shelter. Without poop, we could not sustain our economy, nor could we explore the galaxy. The Katamaran Service owes it's existance to poop."

The auditorium vibrates with the furried clicking of agreement by the attending audience. The Professor's mandibles click rapidly before continuing.

"Poop, also known as ****, manure, excrement, crap, doo, number 2, and lincoln logs just to name a few, is necessary for our survival. This we can all agree upon. That is why our expansion into the Solar System is so vital to our survival."

*click*click*click*

"With every new world we discover, fresh varieties of poop are discovered. Why, in just 3 years we have discovered 14 new specimens. The rapid growth of the Baskin & Robbins chain of kiosks is a prime example of this impact.

Our encounters with other species in the Galaxy compound this trend. Our analysts predict that for every new race we encounter, 120 new specimens of poop are discovered. Our current Treaties with the Sweden Democracy & Thermolian Empire have provided a fresh mound of poop for us to explore, analyz, and devour.

For example, poop from the Sweden Democracy contains several herbs and extracts that are not present within our current society. Wether these ingredients develop naturally within the Swedish People or from their diet remains unknown, but our union with them will allow us time to find the answers. For afterall, wherever there is poop, the Thermolians will be there, hip deep in it.

The recent trade of population with the Thermolian Empire will further expand this resource base. Within several months their transport will be on our Homeworld, and we will begin analyzing their stool. One of our chief scientists who has had a chance to study the projected data informs me that Thermolian poop is especially "nutty" and "crunchy". This news has not been released yet, but when it does, the candy bar industry will skyrocket!"

The Professor clicks his mandibles as he dips a sponge into a bowl of water, soaking it thuroughly, before placing the sponge into his maw and squeezing the water out with his mandibles, much like chewing gum.

~squish~squish~squish~

"Our emerging Space Fleet is another example of the benefits of what the tabloids are calling "Poop Culture". As you all know, the hulls of our Fleet are made primarily of polarized poop. By subjecting certain grades of poop to intense, pressurised radiation, we can create a surface material 28 times stronger than conventional metals. With this material our Service has explanded beyond the borders of the Usean System. We finally have a place among the stars, and the Galaxy is noticing.

The next several years will see futher discoveries in this bowl of research. It's well known that other Races are there out among the stars. The Sweden Democracy mention one specific race called the Vorlons. Contact with this Race alone would increase poop research by another 80%. Our Fleet has begun sending ships through the unknown parts of space to search out these Races.

The future is now, and it smells great!"

The audience stand and salute the Professor as he finishes his speech. The sound of mandibles clicking and claws clacking fill the grand hall as the Professor walks of the stage and begins to mingle with the attendees.

--

Boy, I bet you regret asking for this now, don't ya?

[Ruatha]

Originally posted by Katchoo:


Boy, I bet you regret asking for this now, don't ya?

Ouch, yes

[Narrew]

Narrew wonders if there is karma out in the universe, since he recently discovered MINEs. He named the mines "Lil Poo" and the mine layers "Lil Poopers". Narrew wonders how the new race will respond to that kind of poo?

[Narrew]

50 years ago

Narrew wakes up from cryo sleep

Narrew-Computer, where are we?
Computer-Unknown. I have searched 150 years and have finally found a habitable planet.
Narrew-Is there anyone there?
Computer-Not that I have noticed. We have spent 2 local years observing the planet.
Narrew-Is there enough on-board material to start construction of a substantial colony?
Computer-It will take time, but we can start with asteroids for the material we will need to build manufacturing facilities.
Narrew-I will need a worker force. To get the force we will need to clone them. Do you have the knowledge to implement that?
Computer-Yes, it will take time though.
Narrew-Good. I have some orders for you, then I will go back to cryo sleep.

2399.9

Narrew wakes up from cryo sleep

Narrew-Computer, report.
Computer-The infrastructure is constructed. Your clones are ready to be woken.
Narrew-Any complications?
Computer-Minor. It took a little longer to meet all your orders.
Narrew-Great. I want to go to the planet, on the way you can fill me in on your progress.

2400.00

Meeting with King Narrew and his 5 councilors.

King Narrew-Ok, now that we are together I would like to set us on a course for future expansion.
Councilor #3-Before we start on YOUR so called course. I want to know why you are KING and we are not, and don't tell me your the original, we are the same.
King Narrew-Ok, if you don't like the original answer, then you will have to live with the one that is "I say so!" For GOD's sake, your in the inner circle. So just be happy that your not one of the worker class. Would you like a "PROMOTION"?
Councilor #3-You know I don't. But what is keeping the 5 of us from turning on you and taking control for ourselves.
King Narrew- sighs Well, I figured this would happen sooner or later, since you are "ME" after all. So lets just say I took precautions when I had you 5 cloned. If anything happens to me, your extended life will continue, but there are some brain chemicals that will activate, you will not loose any thought or reasoning ability, but all your motor skills will cease. So you will have all that time to be a vegetable and think how your life would have been if you would have just worked with me and not against me.
Councilor #5-You BASTARD!!! How could you do that to us, we are you after all.
King Narrew-YOU are a copy of ME! And I know myself well enough that I foresaw what you would want to do, and took precautions to eliminate that problem. Think, I did nothing to hinder you in any way. I had your life span increased. I choose 5 of you to help me, "US" if you will, to make a vast EMPIRE. If it was YOU that was the original, wouldn't you have taken precautions?
Councilor #3-That is true, I can not deny that I would have done anything different. BUT, you are still a BASTARD.
King Narrew-Fine, from now on I will be known as the Bastard King.
Councilor #4- chuckles I know you like that, hell we all do. OK, we've had our pissing contest. Now lets get to work.
Bastard King-Good. As you know we have a couple of Gas planets we can colonize. We will have to install Domes on the planets, but we are at max population on this planet. So we should open those 2 planets up.
Councilor #2-Ok, but what about exploration?
Councilor #4-Well, as soon as the 2 planets gets colonized, we can build a Scout ship.
Councilor #2-Ok, sounds good.

2400.2

Meeting of the Bastard King and his 5 councilors.

Bastard King-I hear our first Colony ship has been built. But who came up with the name?
Councilor #4- laughs Yea, that's a funny name, kind of simple though.
Councilor #3-Well, the workers thought that Gasie made sense and of course the fourth tiers think anything to do with flactuance is funny.
Councilor #5-I think its funny also, and I am not a fourth tier. Hey Bastard, how come you went with the tiers in the first place. I know what I think, but want to hear it from you.
Bastard King-Well, as you know. I don't like physical labor, and since I was cloning myself, I had to do something to make a worker force that would be willing to do things that I wouldn't do. So, the computer suggested to induce some genetic drift by cloning clones. Only you 5 are copies from the original. The rest are from you. As we tier down, they get a bit simpler. They do the work we don't want to, and will not revolt against us since they are not so bright. Of course there are some things we have to put up with, and if the names they give our ships make them happy, I can live with that.
Councilor #1-How come you didn't make any females? I wouldn't mind getting lucky every once in a while.
Councilor #5- laughs Your funny, you know as well as I do the only time we got lucky is in our dreams, unless you count that prostitute when we were just out of school.
Bastard King- blushes
Councilor #2-And any way, we all know that we would just get distracted if there were women around, and not bringing up the point that they would be female Versions of ourselves. And, don't anyone comment on how funny that would be.
Bastard King- coughs Ok, anything else.
Councilor #2-I found out that if we make a modified Version of our Scout, we can complete it in 1 month, then make minor adjustments while we produce our next Colony ship. That way we can start exploring sooner.
Bastard King-If no one objects, I say go ahead with your plan #2.
Councilor #5-No objection here, I look forward to hearing what the fourth tiers come up with a name for our Scout. chuckles

2400.4

Meeting of the Bastard King and his 5 councilors.

Councilor #5-Peepers, that's so funny. I guess it make's some sense. We are sending the Scout to "peep" around.
Bastard King-Yea, well we have something to laugh about and it make's the workers happy. How is our Colony doing?
Councilor #3-Good. We have them building Research Centers, the planet was low on any exploitable materials.
Councilor #2-We will be making another Scout. Peepers #1 has its orders and will be departing with in the month. Same with our Colony ship.
Bastard King-What tier is the Captain on the Scout ship?
Councilor #2-A third tier. Since we don't know what is out there, we felt that a second tier might be a waste.
Councilor #5- laughs Well as long as he knows where the fuel gauge is, he should be fine.

2400.6

Meeting of the Bastard King and his 5 councilors.

Bastard King-I see Peepers #2 has been built. What are we planning on building next.
Councilor #2-I just received a message from Peepers #1. A brief survey shows a Gas planet we can colonize, so I would suggest another Colony ship.
Bastard King-Ok, but I think we need to expand ship building abilities. Give me an option the next time we meet.

2400.8

Meeting of the Bastard King and his 5 councilors.

Councilor #2-Great news. Peepers #2 has found more planets to colonize.
Bastard King-Good. Well, what have you come up with to increase our ship production?
Councilor #2-We can build a Space Station with a small Ship Yard. It will have a slower production rate than our main Ship Yard, but we can make many of them.
Bastard King-Great, lets make another Colony Ship then build these Space Stations.

2401.1

Emergency meeting of the Bastard King and his 5 councilors.

Councilor #2-Sorry to call this meeting. We just received an emergency message from the Captain of Peepers #2. They have met another species.
Councilor #1-Are they women?
Councilor #5-Would you give it up #1, see how it distracts you, how would you function if we had women. Hey Bastard, do you think that each of us 5 are different from each other, #1 seems to dwell on "women" a bit much.
Bastard King-I'm starting to think you might be right. BUT, what about this contact, are they Hostile?
Councilor #2-No, they are friendly. Seems that the Captain is negotiating for a treaty between us. He also says that there are Colonizable planets in the sector.
Bastard King-Umm, a capable captain. Can you send a message to the Gasie heading in that direction and have it route to the sector Peepers #2 is at and colonize there. That way we will have an outpost to keep an eye on these aliens.
Councilor #5-Do these aliens have a name?
Councilor #2-They call themselves the Sweden Democracy.
Councilor #1-Never heard of them.
Bastard King- sigh Are you sure you are not a fourth tier #1? Anyway, after the Star Base is built, build another and have the Star Base build another. We need more construction ability. Oh, what is being built on our newest Colony?
Councilor #2-A Space Yard, we have a few more months before it comes Online, but that should help us.
Bastard King-Good, and tell the Captain of Peepers #2 good job.
to be continued

[ June 02, 2003, 00:20: Message edited by: Narrew ]

[Ruatha]

So, now I start to understand what is happening around me

[teal]

2403.2

The head diplomatic Minister Dionysus walked calmly into Prometheus’ office. As always he had a slightly bemused smile upon his face.

“Have you drafted my response to the recent incursions into our space D?”

“Yes here it is.”:

FNORD FNORD FNORD,

Recently colony ships bearing your markings have been seen inside Nyxian Chaos space and on a course to colonize currently empty planets well within the borders of the Nyxian Chaos. Following standard operating procedures, my ambassador to your government has already asked you to turn those colony ships around and send them elsewhere. Your reply was to send your colony ships even further along their course.

There has been much debate among my ministers as to what our response to this action should be. Some asserted that we should let you settle inside our space. Giving up space and a defensive buffer in exchange for what one minister called “peace in our time.” Other ministers have been equally adamant that we should send our warships to blow your colony ships out of space saying that alien species will never respect anything but force. Neither of these options have much appeal to me. It is thus with a heavy heart that I settled upon the only possible alternative to these two extremes: reciprocity. I will respond to every move by you with an equal and opposite move by me. Consequently I have ordered my captains to colonize planets in the FNORD and FNORD systems in your empire to match the courses of your colony ships for planets in the FNORD and FNORD systems in my empire. As soon as your colony ships set course back to your space or for border systems I shall respond in kind and order my colony ships to turn around and/or abandon any colonies that have already been formed.

My ambassador says that you have taught him a new game which is a favorite among your people. Chess it is called. It is a most excellent game and it strikes me that it would be possible to play via diplomatic courier. I thus move my king pawn forward two squares.

Your move,

Prometheus the Unchained

“Very nice D. But will it have the desired effect?”

“I can’t say how these aliens think your lordship. Some of the species we have encountered have even been somewhat immune to my standard protocol of having lots of parties with copious amounts of wine served by attractive goddesses. However, I believe that they will read the measured nature of our response and see that we wish to avoid war, but at the same time we shall not be pushed around.”

“Well we can only hope that they will see the wisdom of our age old saying ‘I’ll respect your tracts of land if you’ll respect mine’”

“I always thought that had to do with something else given Aphrodite’s sly smile whenever I say that, but I see what you mean.”

“One Last thing D. What are all these FNORDs doing in the letter. What do they mean?”

“Oh that. I’m afraid that those words are classified available only to Ultraviolet level citizens and you are only a Violet level citizen.”

“Are there any ultraviolet level citizens? I thought I was king of the Nyxian Chaos how could anyone be classified higher than me? I really would like to know who it is I’m sending this letter to and what systems I am actually discussing.”

“I’m afraid not sir. All the ultraviolet level citizens were killed when the main computer went on its unfortunate rampage 20 years ago. I don’t even know what it is the letter is exactly talking about.”

“Ok. Well I guess we’d better send it off to all of our neighboring empires and hopefully they won’t be too confused if it doesn’t apply to them.”

“A wise plan as always o great Prometheus. And now if you’ll excuse me I’m late for the latest orgy. Kaese has thought up the idea of melting cheese in a giant pot and then dipping yummy bits of bread into it. A most delicious improvement upon the standard orgy scene.”

“If only troubled rulers had time for orgies D that does sound delicious. I do hope you have a nice time.”

[ June 03, 2003, 13:13: Message edited by: teal ]

[Ruatha]

I'm glad I'm not a neighbour of the Nyxian chaos.
Can be somewhat confusing to talk with someone who don't know what they are ralking about.

[ June 04, 2003, 20:29: Message edited by: Ruatha ]

[teal]

One might say that being a neighbor of the Nyxian Chaos is a chaotic experience...

On a sad note I will be out of town from Sunday June 7th through Thursday June 12th. So the AI will be playing those turns for me. On the plus side maybe my neighbors will be less confused by a computer!

Teal