a piece of pizza in a box

[Fyron]

Fyron watches as the fabric of space-time around him begins to crumble. Having mastered the arts of chronomancy long ago, Fyron is not afraid of what may come next.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

nobody post. gotta fix fast!

dodging bits of exploding space-time, narf stumbles accross his lab/kodaik's office, desperatly searching for it. WHAM! table! narf shoves off the table, barely avoiding, by accident, a blue bit. explosions shake the bulding, and peices of building and bits space-time continuim fly by him. peices of building intersect bits of space-time continium and are anialated! narf dodges, dips and weaves, but the scarf is only for emergencies. he comes to the door of his lab, and plungles on. an explosion rocks the building and narf slams against the wall. narf staggers up and clutches his ribs, but keeps on going except in front of him there's a pit. wipping out the scarf, he throws it around the light fixture and careenes accros the room. landing staggering, he puts out his hands to catch himself against the wall then moves right over to the door. at the end of the room, not affected yet by the bits and peices, which are mostly still in the other room is a lever. narf staggers into the room and drops and rolls to avoid a bit, then pulls the lever marked reset down 4 no 5 Posts, dodges a lightsaber bLast. everything is reset to the state of my Last post.

[ May 14, 2003, 08:18: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Dingocat85]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
since the walls are bLast-proof, you can't bLast them.

"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a bLaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized time."

Dingocat powers up a lightsaber, and cuts through the walls
***WORN***

*Turns off Lightsaber*

Ahhh, a whole pizza. May use the newly installed bathroom, while I'm at it
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Edit: Darn this disintegrating space-time continuum! By the time I finished with my lightsaber, Gwaihir & Fyron had already stolen the pizza twice...meaning there should be a negative 2 pizza deficiency

Edit-Edit: Space-time continuum already been fixed...The stuff I did happened in between narf repairing the continuum, and having fixed it...which means my lightsaber antics have become nothing more than a possible alternate reality that never happened

[ May 14, 2003, 08:27: Message edited by: Dingocat85 ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

space-time continuim is fixed.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

please do not post now. i cannot run frantically around the lab if i'm asleep.

[Fyron]

Fyron contemplates his next move to foil Narf's plan. A light bulb goes off. Fyron casts a sleep spell on narf to take no chances. He then casts levitate on the slumbering Narf, and then casts a summon monster spell. He has the monster push narf into airlock one. Then, the monster pushes narf past airlock two, and vanishes. Now, the slumbering narf is INSIDE his box trap! Muahahahahha!

[Gwaihir]

Before anyone else grabs the idea, Gwaihir returns to the stasis box that the gun came in, but this time, slight differences in the quantum state of the universe cause him to realize the dangers of using the gun, and he devises a different plan.

He gets himself a nice fast ship, fitted with a very low-gain, but high powered ramscoop, and carefully plots a course. scribbling some calculations, he figures out how long it will take to speed out to the sun at maximum acceleration, slingshot around through the outer layers to gain maximum benefit from scooping and igniting the solar gases, and attaches the stasis case to the ship with a shaped thermonuclear separation charge. he then sets the timer device on the stasis box, and gets in it, taking along some battle armor and a lot of compact climing gear. He closes the box, turning it on and triggering the autopilot sequence he programmed into the ship.

The ship aligns itself carefully, checks the latest satellite data on solar flare activity to fine tune the flight path, and lights its engines. It accelerates far beyond their design capacities, causing them to burn out one by one, but this ship wasn't going to fly again anyway.

As it hurtles into the sun's outer atmosphere, the ship turns on its ramscoop. Imstead of the standard huge magnetic funnel, this scoop has only a small, heavily shielded frontal port to scoop in the fuel, which is far denser here than in deep space. even so, the ramscoop drive begins to overheat rapidly, flooded well beyond capacity with already-ignited hydrogen. Just as the ship is about to break up, the required speed is reached, and the thermonuclear device detonates, propelling the stasis chamber along the flight path at insane speeds while the rest of the ship disintegrates. As the stasis chamber flies out from the sun, it slows, losing the energy it gained by flying at the sun, but keeping the speed gained from the engine burn, ramscoop thrust, and the thermonuclear bLast, so that the planetary defense cannons don't even see the small object, masked as it is by the sun right behind it, until it is too late to fire. Not that they could do it any harm, but the aim must be precise.

The stasis chamber tears down through the atmosphere, lighting up the night sky as though it were noon, because everyone knows that all dramatic meteor-like objects can only fall at night, even when they are coming directly from the sun, which in non-dramatic settings is on the daytime side of a planet . . .

and the impact sends a sound like a thunderclap around the city, as the kinetic energy of the projectile is released to explosive heat. Fortunately, the object is small enough that this blas only demolishes the building, dropping the incredibly strong box to the ground, where it is hit (because everyone also knows that falling objects always get a chance to hit the ground, regardless of the fact that they fall from a standing start and their pursuers, only a few feet away, are usually moving several times the speed of sound) by the mass screaming down from the sky, which has slowed just enough that the force punches through the plating on the top, goes out the bottom and burrows a few hundred feet into the ground with only a minor secondary kinectic explosion. The pizza is saved from the shower of dirt because the solid ground below the several feet of crumbled concrete debris under the box is a much more solid impediment than the wall of the box, and it creates a third explosion that throws the box into the air just in time for the dirt and debris to blow out underneath of it.

67.5 seconds later, the stasis box turns off, and Gwaihir emerges, in full battle armor. He takes temperature and radiataion readings, smiles, and fires several grapnels out of the hole, reeling himself up once they latch on. He then calls his ship to the location, and while waiting for it to arrive, snatches the pizza, which is sizzling lightly, dripping delicious melted cheese. He opens his battle armor helmet to take a victorious bite . . .

and the sprinkler system which was preserved by the cosmic irony force finally sputters into life, with one bent nozzle firing directly into his face. Fortunately, Gwaihir is able to close the pizza box and fire his bLaster at the pipe, melting it closed, before any damage occurs.

His ship arrives, and he stomps on board, his combat suit now sloshing and squelching with every step. When he removes it, he knows that as he pulls off the leg section, enough water will pour out to fill the entire suit, despite the fact that he is clearly occupying most of the space, and his boots will contain approximately twice their volume in water. This is true in every universe, cartoon and non-cartoon alike. But the pizza is safe, and as his ship departs, it snags the stasis box with a magnetic grapple, ripping it out of the hole and reeling it into the cargo hold for future adventures. Being the cautious sort, Gwaihir irradiates the compartment with the box open, vents it to space for a while, then goes into the hold to personally check it over, first in full armor with the hold exposed to vacuum, then with only a biosuit in a repressurized hold. He contemplates bouncing it off of the sun or sending it on a slingshot trip through again, to be safe, but decides against it for the moment. he puts the half of the pizza he didn't eat in the box and closes it, turning on the stasis field, so that he can have warm and sizzling pizza fresh at a moment's notice. He makes a note to try this with other foods, and puzzles at the fact that he can STILL SMELL THE PIZZA throughout the ship, despite the stasis field's complete freezing of all activity even below the atomic level. This supports his budding theory that pizza is entangled with a force even mightier than the galactic force of irony, and ponders how to tap that potential . . .

edit:
Fyron, we seem to be consistently tangling the troUsers of time. however, thinking back, Gwaihir recalls seeing someone among the pile of unconscious people in that box who looked a bit like Narf, but of course, that couldn't be right, since Narf would never get stuck in his own box . . . would he? ah well, it is of no importance, Gwaihir was in a hurry, and he must continue pondering the pizza paradox.

[ May 14, 2003, 09:18: Message edited by: Gwaihir ]