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1. in MP, i can't seem to give the "attack" order to almost anything. It shows up in the orders section, but it seems to me like it just stands there...
I'm not certain exactly what you're describing, but in simultaneous games, most orders aren't acted upon until the turn is processed. You'll only see ships moving by using the Movement Replay controls. A ship with attack orders should show as "Seeking after < target >" on the (F6)Ships/Orders list.
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2. in MP, drones and fighters don't seem to work very well. Fighters work ... not bad.... but drones seem to only work in combat, and since i can't make them attack a target, they're only good when someone attacks something that's CARRYING drones.
Can't help here; I haven't gotten a chance to use drones in MP yet.
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3. Any way to launch only 1 of a unit in MP?
It's possible, but it takes a lot of micromanagement. You can pair the launching ship or planet with a cargo ship, and transfer 1 unit at a time to the launcher.
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4. Do we need Spaceports for Research/intel?
Yes, unless you took the Natural Merchant advanced trait.