am i just a really bad player...

[Bananadine]

(In the short term, an easy improvement to make is to increase PD as much as possible in any province that is likely to remain on your border for a long while. 125 PD is a very very poor investment when you're playing against humans, because one well-dressed commander can defeat it, but against the AI it will do rather well, especially if you back it up with some standing mages of your own.)