"A Song of Ice and Fire", veterans-only game, MA. In progress, midgame...

[Dimaz]

Also, if anybody is interested (for this or future games), here's my default policy regarding stealth during NAPs (of course it applies to both sides):
Moving stealthy commanders and armies is allowed.
Stealth preaching is allowed.
Bane venom is not allowed.
Spy sabotage is not allowed.
Attacking province taken by indies during random event is not allowed.
Patroling is allowed.
Maybe there are some more, but these are what comes to my mind immediately. So if you want to change some of them for your NAP, please state it directly.
In my case, when I was in similar situation (ending the NAP with Vanheim), I either didn't patrol at all or patrolled with forces enough to kill the assumed targets (adding some mage support if necessary).
But, as I said, I'm sorry for your losses. That wasn't my plan definitely.